What to Do When Depression Questions Your Worth

Sep 25

Bonnie Goree | Certified Peer Specialist | Living and Family Grace Group Leader (Grace Alliance Groups)

You’re worth it!

I’ve heard these words before! Have you? What is 'it'?

“You’re just trying to cheer me up and magically make me happy! I don’t feel like I’m worth anything. If you were as down and depressed as I am, you wouldn’t feel worth it either!”

I have repeated these responses many times during the dark, devastating episodes of major depressive disorder. Note that I said episodes, as in plural not singular. When I was in the deepest pits, I most certainly did not feel 'worth it' nor did it help when those words were uttered to me. However, there is more to this story! I am now in a place in life where I absolutely believe from the bottom of my heart that 'I am worth it!'

Come on a brief journey with me as I take you from being in a hellacious pit to a haven of hope. I want to suggest three important destination stops as we travel on this journey.

Destination #1

Admit to yourself and to God that you do not feel ‘worth it.’ Honesty is the best policy. Denying the severity of our struggle, be it physical or mental, is only a prescription for deeper struggles. It’s like keeping the lid closed tightly on a jar or keeping a beach ball pushed deep underwater. God is waiting to open the lid, to let the beach ball burst up from the deep and release the denial from our spirit, mind, and body.

I’ll always remember a comment spoken to me by Joe Padilla, Co-Founder of the Grace Alliance, during a time of deep depression in my life: “God can handle your honesty, Bonnie. Let Him know you’re angry, mad, hopeless, and tired of living like this. He is waiting for you to say those words. It’s not a sin to be gut-level honest with Him.”

“The enemy pursues me to the ground; he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.” - Psalm 143:3

Oh, how I relate to feeling ‘dead’ in the pit of depression.

Destination #2

Receive His grace with no judgment!

“How amazing are your thoughts concerning me.” - Psalm 103:17a

Allow Him to wash away the anger. Allow His amazing grace to clothe you! Don’t be surprised if it feels strange or different. I experienced those feelings too. When you have lived with pain for so long, it feels too good to be true as His grace replaces the pain.

Another powerful statement spoken to me was this: “Bonnie, this depression is not your fault.” Oh my, I couldn’t believe that at first. I honestly thought it was my fault for not getting over the painful events in my life. Those words stirred around in my head and heart. I began to believe them. A loving Father would not blame me for those painful events but would run to me and wrap me in His strong arms of endless love.

“Even the darkness will not be dark to You…. for darkness is as light to You.” - Psalm 139:12

Destination #3

From this day forward, walk in His worthiness. Know that you are worth it! You are worth experiencing the healing and hope He offers. He loves His children and will never reject you for any reason. It’s not in His character! As you walk forward in this journey, the destinations may look different. In the most challenging days, psychiatric hospitals and ECT’s were destinations for me; difficult but ‘worth it’ in the healing process. Finding the right medication was another destination. Counseling was an invaluable destination, also. Once I moved past those destinations, I needed to maintain faith-based support. That was where Living Grace Groups were literally life-saving. Being in a group with those on a similar journey, was so, so healing, week after week.

The next destination was amazing! I began to facilitate Living Grace Groups and also Family Grace Groups. Then came a job opportunity as a peer specialist, where I now offer hope and support for those experiencing a mental health challenge. I continue to surround myself with supportive people. I have some difficult days, but I know the value of taking care of myself. Please give yourself the same opportunities. You can be assured that God will take you to destinations you never dreamed of or imagined! Get to know more about the Grace Alliance and the awesome tools that are available to you.